Sunday, October 16, 2011


Dell came last night. He was very upset. He told me the whole tale about why he was locked away by everyone, what he did. For a 9 year old boy, being locked away inside for so long was such a scary lonely experience. He was so traumatised by it. I understand why they did it- I understand the attention he might draw to everyone, but still, it seems like such a harsh judgement.

He broke down when he told me what happened. He was so sad, so incredibly sad. He can't help it that when he feels scared, he gets overcome with rage. And the poor little one is so terrified that it might happen again. He doesn't want it to, but he's terrified something might happen that will trigger his rage and cause him to be locked away again, this time forever.

It broke my heart so. He is such a scared little boy. Unable to help his own actions on things, he reminds me so much of my youngest son. He can't always help what he does either. Holding Dell, sobbing his heart out, terrified, broke me.

All I could do was assure him that I still loved him, that I still liked him and wanted to be his friend. That it didn't matter to me what he did, I knew he was a good boy and could, would be a good boy from here.

I hope it was the start of a letting go for him. Dell is such a troubled alter, so much pain, that I know he's been a problem for the system. I can only hope now that we've started something that will change things for him.


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